Proud of Big Me & Little Me

Today I finished my last master’s level didactic course. It took me 3 years. I’m so proud of little me and big me.

I’m also so proud of my children and all we went through while doing school. Toxic living environments both physically and energetically, jobs that killed my body and left me injured, sexually assaulted the first month I started school, the death of a friend I never got to say goodbye to, the loss of our beloved senior dog we only had one year, my sweet Anouk being bit by a dog and having reconstructive surgery, wondering how to feed us, wondering where we were going to live, how to homeschool and do ALL of it, and also how could I nourish me and my children at the same time. I was away so much from my older three children, missing so much of their everyday life, and also monumental events, and my younger two just got exhausted mama. All of them have taught me so much and helped me through life. I do it for them.

Was it worth it?

Yes.

Because it’s an honor to learn, it’s an honor to discover. To create. It’s an honor to hear my ancestors and the ancients share with me. I’m healing as I learn to help others. My fellow students, professors, and patients are all so kind. What a gift to be able to learn with and alongside them.

I’m not done.

Now I focus on my remaining elective class, the master’s level clinical internship, the doctoral didactic courses, and the publication of my research paper.

I’ve been blessed to have family and friends help with the girls, and also to let us stay with them while I navigate all the uneven terrain of life.

Childcare has been my biggest challenge by far. Well, amongst other things.

My current job will end in two weeks, and we need to find a home that is home. Help with girls for next year. New car. Etc etc. We live differently, and sometimes creating the infrastructure to hold the vision and ground it takes time and is usually never straightforward.

But I’m aligned. I’m focused. And I can hear my soul voice beginning to sing. I’m relaunching into the world of podcasting after seven years away. My creation Amel Wellness is becoming my safe space to create. And I feel this deep sense of peace. Even in chaos I feel it.

My hands still shake when I drink coffee wondering how to pay bills or buy Christmas and birthday gifts, but I take each day as a new day. All the pain and chaos has definitely taught me to trust myself and keep going.

This chapter is the ending of a 9 Year in the Year of the Yin Wood Snake (shedding and completing) and we enter into a 1 Year in the Year of the Fire Horse (charging forward ablaze). And tomorrow, December 4th, is the Full Mon in Gemini. What a blessing of energy to help us really clear and move forward into what we are aligned with and creating with.

This season I say to myself,

This is it.
Keep going.
This right here.
Everything you’ve worked for.
All that training and studying you did.
Right here.
Come on.
We are living the dream.
Stay aligned.
Each day is one step closer.
Keep going.

If you’ve been around and connected for a long minute (or maybe a short minute)…

Keep Going.

We create our own heaven and hell. We are our own best healers. We are the medicine.

❤️
LoLo