Soul Rain
Yesterday, I stepped into something I had called in for the past two years. One that scared the hell out of me and called to me with such ferocious curiosity that I couldn't help but move towards it. One I have talked myself out of and into more times than I care to admit. One that had me question my worth...and my sanity. But I chose not to ignore the voice that screamed so loudly in my head, instead, I asked her to come do it with me, even though she was scared. I mothered the voice that was scared in me. I invited her to come to the table and just be herself. To show up and do it, even if it was messy and not perfect.
She came with me.
And yesterday, I was able to present what I had discovered for my meta-analysis research paper. And now...I am set to submit for publication at the end of the Summer. As I presented to some very intelligent humans, so kind and patient in their nature, but also unapologetic about the knowledge and wisdom they themselves have stepped into, their being authentic and present soothed the scared voice within and invited me to be fully myself. For the first time in a very, VERY long time...I was me. And in being me, I was invited to and encouraged to be more me.
It was magical. It was simple. It was aligned.
And during the meeting, conducted via screen with people on the West and East coasts, the rain began to fall in Los Angeles, something that doesn't happen often. The smiles elicited as they watched the heavy drops of nourishing rain outside the windows of the L.A. office were exactly how my soul felt being present and presenting, and collaborating in this meeting. Something surprising that can't be stopped and is so necessary. I waited for so long for this rain, and it came when I least expected it...and my soul smiled.
I woke this morning and drank my medicine tea decocted from herbs to nourish me, practiced 15 minutes of Qigong and now...candle burning from New Moon in Gemini, my intentions resting underneath the warm container, soft classical musical notes floating through the air, sipping strong organic coffee from the mug sculpted from the hands of my eldest with a magical sigil etched into the bottom, sitting at my French provincial desk working on my craft of research, planning school lessons for the youngest two, working on papers for school, studying for a final in Traditional Chinese Medicine Obstetrics/Gynecology and Pediatrics this afternoon, finishing a final paper on the formula,Yin Qiao San, texting with my elder three even as they are farther from me than I like but they are living their lives with purpose—it’s a spell of belonging I cast upon and around myself. It's not perfect, and my hands still shake sometimes when I think of how I will hold it all and still pay the bills...but it's fully real and aligned.
When the soul calls, pulls, nudges you...Be curious. Do it with shaky hands and all the doubt. Simply align and steadfastly, and in simple and small movements, move close to that which is simply asking you to come here. Curiosity may ask why to deduce more details, but curiosity in it of itself is simply trying to understand and learn more about something you don't know. Letting go with that full knowledge that you don't know but you are learning is...freedom.
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